Island Exile

As I arrived on the island it was dark already. I took the last ferry and tried to orientate. With my suitcase in my hand, my cat in front in the backpack, I made my way to the place I found on the map. My destination belongs to the harbour village so I walked these two kilometres and couldn't see much in the darkness. I only knew: This is an exile.

A place where no one would know me and there is nothing which would remember me of my past life. I needed this place. It was the easiest way to find work and accommodation in the same way. I didn't hesitate as I got the offer. I knew it wouldn't be for forever, it would be a place of transformation without much life in the lonely winter. The next day I needed to learn how things are working on an island. I had to wait until I got a supermarket that could sell me cat litter, which was an urgent matter. Every café and nearly all other shops have been closed. The wind was cold and not welcoming but the sun came out later and I made my way to the dunes close up. There was a lake I passed which looked like the moon surface and then, after climbing a dune I saw the sea for the first time.

The tides were strong and influence all life there so sometimes you have to walk a long way to the sea. I called it "Hiding game of the sea" and every step brought me back to me.

As I arrived on this island I was heartbroken and totally lost. I travelled from Scotland to Hamburg, stayed there for a few days to manage my things and take a break. Then I ended up on this lonely island. Leaving Scotland was the worst thing I ever had to do. I was deeply heartbroken and disorientated in a way. I used the walk to the sea to deal with my grief, tried to get to know the place and settle a bit into my new home, which was a furnished holiday apartment. 

The first week was only there to manage my things and to get orientated. I got to know the man from the post office and the man who brings all post to the island. He helped me with a big parcel that I ordered, which arrived before me. These two people have been very nice to me and it gave me hope that I would get used to the people. 

As my work started, I felt soon overwhelmed and my back issues I brought already from Scotland, got my worse so that I couldn't work for long. I was mentally and physically broken and wasn't able to deal with so much stress. One of the struggles you get in, when you live on an island is the lack of specialists. You usually have a GP and if you are lucky, also a dentist. So I needed to go to a bigger city for a specialist and got physiotherapy on the island, which was really lucky.

I deeply struggled in this time. I was not able to get much out and the weather changed from more sunny, dry days to rough winter weather. Snow, storms, hail and deep fog made it often impossible to go out. The indoor days were filled with work on my book "Travels and Moves", the book I began in 2022 and finished in spring 2023 on the island.

In my time on the island I wrote my story down, everything what I've been through before and during my Post Brexit-time in Scotland. My dream was ruined and I knew it would be for forever. I wrote a couple of poems and wanted to make this to a new book but decided then to drop this and move on with my unfinished Travel book.

After a short visit in my home area in Western Germany, I knew that I couldn't stay on the island. I had no other job opportunities and the housing market was much more worse so I began to look for jobs in the West to go back, at least into the direction. After some weeks I got a job and soon I got a room in a flat share in Wuppertal. I got the chance to get to know a new place and get back to life.

Sea Healer

The sea paints

in all colours

on my dark soul.

She closes wounds

and calms down fears.

She cleans my body

with every inhale

and opens my eyes

for the weirdest kind of beauty.

I let her work in me

as healer and home

until my pain is cured

and everything is done.

(part of my book "Roots" - Link under "publications")

After my book "Travels and Moves" got published I did live readings and made plans for more marketing strategies. I learned the time to learn about social media marketing and community. I made more plans for summer and slowly creeped back to life.

I knew it wouldn't be easy to leave my exile and bring myself back to life. I had hardly human contact  for weeks and lived the life of a loner. As I could go out more often, I took long sea walks and enjoyed these lonely beaches and my observations of animals and shelves. I thanked my sea goddess in the end to bring me back to life and moved away.

I have moments when I really miss the island and the loneliness you can't experience in a city life. I will come back one day in some lonely winter days and I will remember what brought me back to life.

All pictures, poetry and words by Ilonka Normann (Magical Whispers poetry) 5/2024