Finding the answers...

I craved for an espresso in the most Northern point of my country. I am between all worlds, I am between all countries. I still carry the Southern lifestyle in me. So manifested, so much surprise about myself. I thought through travelling, I would find the answers. I am coming closer to me and all that what happened. Yes, for a part I know. I am Italian. It doesn't matter if it's in my genes or not. I am northern too. 

I carry not only the desire for a good pasta with my beloved herbs or the sunny places in the harbour, by the sea and the Italian languages, spoken in cafes and small alleys. I carry love with me. Originally I came to Italy after the end of my relationship. A senseless end, obviously a time that doesn't make sense to me anymore. The wish we had to escape from the world was probably an escape from ourselves. We feel like we don't fit into this world and then I find always places, people and things where I see myself in. For a part.

On my search and on my escape I found the other half. Searching, like me. Days and nights of an unreal dream, lived in a place where we both have never been before. I still have goosebumps on my skin. The same goosebumps I had in his arms.  I even expanded the distance, I moved north, I work and discuss rational German things and feel more far away from me and at the same time I feel the need to go back to my tasks. My tasks in this world. We know that this is an end-time. A time where we fight that what comes because stupid people rule the world.

And I recognise myself as fighter. My place is in the revolution. But all this time left traces on me. I cannot waste with my energy and I cannot fight alone. I need someone on my side who sees the urgent matter of the climate change, of the runnning time and my fight for it. That is one of these sides which came back to me.

I see that I can overcome things but I can not lose a deep connection. I search for answers. I wish I would find them in the jungle of thoughts. Two souls, bound to each other just meet in a place where they both search for their real identity. My disbelief, my disappointment wants me just to forget but my heart speaks another language. I know that I lie to myself, I would lie to others, I can not just go on and forget.

And so I still search the answers between an espresso in the north and hope in the south.

One day I have to let this go. Right now, I can't. Acceptance is hard.