Island

"I like being an island", 

a quote I recently heard from Wednesday Addams, the beautiful new series from the master Tim Burton. She inspired me a lot and let me feel my gothic soul but also my distance from others. A distance I will never really shorten. 

Recently I lost my real home. I lost everything. This is how it feels like and  I stranded without anything on an island. It was a choice, no coincidence but maybe fate again. I never understood fate really. It  let me find my home in a country that experiences its downfall, in a time where a decision was made and it seemed that it woke me up. My old soul, my Scottish part, the  connection that seems to be really old and neverending.

I was happy to find my destiny but utterly despaired about the tragic decision of the UK to leave the EU. Without getting too much political here, I try to describe the conflict I am in for years, especially after it became valid and it felt like a clear end of dreams.

I fought for years on the Scottish side and for the goal of indenpendence, the only way "out" and a real possibility to build a country with much potential that now gets ruined by staying in a union which is struggling in every way and is close to breaking apart.

Back to me. I am utterly disappointed. Exhausted. Heartbroken and in grief. My only chance I've taken and sacrifieced a lot for, drifted away and I decided to leave, I decided to take what's left of me and go to a place where I've never been before. It was extremely hard and I am still in the aftermath to understand what happened, to fight the fight with me and this unfair world. 

I ended up in a place that looks barely like the end of the world. Endless beaches. Sometimes I think I am walking through the desert. Pine trees and woods, the sea that loves to disappear and strong winds that can push you away. A place of deep cleaning, of rest and connecting with Mother Nature and the sea, as ruling element.

I try to get in harmony with this little piece of land in the sea. I whisper questions to the wind and wait for answers. Waiting for Branwen or Venus appears in the sea and feel every day this strong energy of this element, something that I always felt connected to.

I try to drift away and dream, every free minute I try and seek for the beautiful things that make this place so special and keep myself alive. If I will ever recover, I don't know. The last years have been hard and I am so used to get up on my feet again but when you leave your heart in a country where you can't live you can not really start a live somewhere else

and so I decided that I still see myself as an island.