I would like to know where you are. What you eat. How you love. After love.
If your hunger is still so big. If your passion is still the same. If your are dishonest. Still. I have forgiven you for long time. Forgotten sometimes but you never really disappeared from the core of my heart. Wherever I was, lived, loved, did.
This crisis made me thoughtful, connected to people I loved, people I will always remember. I am aware that all this will never come back. These times are over, final like the end, the last words you read in a book before you close it.
I regret nothing. Maybe a few little things. I have given always 100%, so I am. Love, passion, friendship, care. Everything. Only one time in my life I had this unexplainable deep connection, this one time I loved with that deepness you read in books or fairytales. I could be happy that I had it. Others will never experience what I experienced with you.
For me, there is nothing to explore. Nothing what I believe in. I was, I am a fighter, But the things I believed in, the things I fought for, slipped away, through my hands. I couldn‘t grab them and make them stay. I only look back to my life. The special moments, great memories, good and bad.
One by one, they destroyed it. Loyality, love, justice, equality, kindness, friendship, freedom at least. No one knows what he/she wants. No one really lives a true life anymore. Being authentic is old fashioned. Being real is impossible.
I was always like this while you knew how to play and get what you wanted. While you covered your sensitive soul behind the curtains and sometimes carried it in my arms. You didn‘t want to have an authentic life. You wanted to go on like always. Just a new marriage, a new play but the same emptyness like before.
I am not even jealous because I know how empty it is. I am more proud of my true life, my fights and battles, my surviving qualitities, my true character. It will let me stay different in a world of fake but in the end, I know I have lived a real life. With everything. Nearly everything I wanted and some things I reached. I will not change the world but a few particles in the atmosphere.
I wish you well.
copyright by Magical whispers/I. Normann, 19/04/2020
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